walking barefoot...

whattayear

2009-12-30T11:58:00.001-08:00

So...this blog has been severely neglected this year. Truthfully, it was even "deleted" for a month...in quotations because blogspot has an "undelete" option.

I lost interest in blogging this year, perhaps because I was too busy living.

2009 has left me with a masters degree, a husband, a house, and a new job.

I am both excited and nervous to anticipate what 2010 might hold.

Maybe...just maybe.... it will hold a bit o' blogging.

A beautiful night ( belated)

2009-08-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

So...I could post about getting proposed to, wedding plans, moving to a new house, or finishing my masters... but instead, I will show you these.

This was such a beautiful night. The Round 50. Wow. (photos by Sarah Jurado via Emily Peterson)

Any idea?

2009-03-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Alright, so this has been bothering me since Ben shared it with me earlier.

IS there an answer? DOES the last grouping have anything in common?

(Via failblog.org)

25 things...

2009-02-09T01:06:00.001-08:00

So there is a phenomenon happening on facebook right now. According to TIME magazine, in the last week nearly 5 million people decided to fill out one of those forwarded emails that you so often delete from your inbox.

It has been fun to read random facts about all my friends, and I figured that I might as well share mine here too.

1. I was the top Girl Scout cookie seller in my troop every year because I sold to every employee at my hometown courthouse. When I was there a couple years ago, a few women still asked me when cookie season was.
2. I lived in one house until I was 18, and have moved 17 times since then.
3. I am finally finishing my masters degree in three months, and never plan on going back to school. Learning? Sure. School? Not a chance.
4. I got LASIK surgery last month and now have 20/20 vision.
5. I have driven my way into 14 car accidents, but my car insurance is still probably cheaper than yours.
6. I cannot think coherently in the morning until I have my coffee.
7. I live at the base of the Space Needle, across the street from "Seattle Grace" hospital (which is actually a news station)
8. I tend to wear one pair of shoes, one piece of jewelry, or use one perfume until it is completely worn out, broken, or gone. I do not spread the love around.
9. I hate washing dishes, especially in a sink of standing water.
10. I've had 9 teeth pulled at one time, and one time I ate a tooth because it fell out while I was eating a hamburger and I thought it was a sesame seed.
11. I got a paycheck for my cameo in American Pie 2.
12. I love sleep...but still struggle to do so before midnight.
13. I have a fledgling photography side-gig that I am hoping to put more time into after graduation.
14. I wish I could eat sushi every day (I blame Jeremy Piven).
15. My guilty pleasures are smut magazines, shoe online-window shopping, and anthropologie.com.
16. I played a little soccer in college, but it's probably my least favorite sport I've ever played.
17. God is bigger than I thought....and that's about all I know for sure these days.
18. I write thank you notes in almost exactly the same format that I did when I was six. I am thankful to my mother for this - I was a very eloquent six year old. :)
19. I love having my own apartment, but I love having people in my space.
20. Sometimes I wish that I hated IKEA like all the cool kids do, but I don't.
21. Ben has to take away my menu after a couple minutes or I will never make a decision.
22. When I DO look at a menu, I can immediately eliminate most dishes that don't include caramelized onions. Sometimes I make a pot of them and eat them with a spoon.
23. One time I chased a cheetah chasing a wildebeest.
24. I like acoustic, indie-type music most of the time, but can only run/work out to the most offensive rap music I can find.
25. I love to cook things, but I hate recipes, measuring, and tasting my own food.

Surprised?

previously on Lost...

2008-11-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

So...LOST doesn't start back up until January, and so for all you other addicts out there, check out this band in the meantime. "Previously On Lost" is a band based in NY, and all of their songs are recaps of Lost episodes. For instance...

Here is a scene from that episode, for those of you who like a little context with your parody.

silence in the blogsphere

2008-10-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

So...sometimes I completely forget I HAVE this blog! I check other blogs daily, I spend way too much time online in general, but hardly think about blogging!!

For anyone who hasn't lost all hope in this here blog, I figured a quick random run down of some recent happenings (with some photos interspersed) would probably be a good idea.

**I am finally in my last year of school...EVER! I've only got a few classes left, and most of my time is spent interning with a local mental health agency. On my LAST first day of classes, my parents emailed me a photo from my first day of kindergarten.

**The Seattle rains have officially come, which means they will be here until May. Ben claims that if I was a true Seattle-ite, I would learn to love the rain. I'm nowhere near that sentiment, but I still definitely prefer it over 6 months of Michigan snow!

**Before the rains came, I had loads of family in town! My parents came to visit, and then my sister Becca and my brother-in-law Derek came out! It's always fun to show off my city, and my teeny (albeit fabulous) apartment is ALWAYS ready to welcome visitors. (The first pic if B&D and Ben at the Mariners/Yankees game, and the second is the obligatory tourist shot @ the Market)

barack and rickroll...

2008-08-12T15:55:00.001-07:00

Oh man. This is the best thing I've seen in a long time....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBghD0XBN5M

beijing.

2008-07-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

So you've probably read in the news about Beijing trying to clean up its air before the Olympics next month. Perhaps, like me, you thought they were most likely exaggerating the problem.

My sister, Jen, is in Beijing this summer, and I had to share the photos she took from outside her apartment. One photo is on a normal day in Beijing, and the other is on an extremely rare clear day. Can you tell the difference?

(click on either photo to see it larger)

They are MARRIED

2008-07-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

So these are nearly straight from the camera, but I wanted to put at least a few photos up of the LOVELY couple and their FABULOUS Michigan wedding!

Congrats Jamie and Kate Thrams!

street acrostics

2008-07-01T14:43:00.000-07:00

Growing up, there was a succession of streets that spanned the length of our town, and were largely residential. (Broad, Cherry, Prairie, Kellogg, Seminary) When I got my drivers license we learned an acrostic to help remember the order of the streets.

Birth Control Prevents Kids Sometimes.

I'll take this opportunity to mention that my little town had one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state of Illinois.

Back to the point - I finally, after living, learning, and working in Seattle for the last two years, heard Seattle's acrostic for remembering the streets that make up downtown.

Jesus Christ Made Seattle Under Pressure.

Count each letter twice, head north, and you've got yourself an internal map of Seattle's downtown core.

Jackson, James, Columbia, Cherry, Marion, Madison, Spring, Seneca, University, Union, Pike, Pine

Does anyone have their own acrostics to help remember things (street names or otherwise?)

Who knew!?!?!??!

2008-06-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

"Locked your keys in the car and the spare is at home or with a friend? Call that person on their cell phone with your cell phone, then hold your phone about a foot from your car door. Have your buddy press the unlock button holding it near the cell phone on their end. Your car will unlock, no matter how far away your buddy is. Beats waiting for AAA..."

My sad little Camry doesn't have keyless entry...so I can't test this. Has anyone ever tried it?

la dance.

2008-06-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

Killer Robots? I think one of these guys may have been in a past practicum.

4 minutes.

2008-04-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

That's how long I've been in the office. Barely enough time to fill my coffee cup, but I opened my RSS blog feed and I can't resist stealing this.

This woman is my new hero. Why? She throws herself at men.

Literally.

She walks into bars, asks men if she can jump on them, and then takes a running start and a flying leap into their awkward, nervous arms. Hilarious.

Her other projects that she has caught on film...
*Performing an action that is non-confrontational but completely out of the social norm. (ex: laying in the fetal position on the floor of Prada)
*She asked her mother to photograph the reasons that she loves her. (oooh...did any other therapist just have their mouth fill with saliva?)

Lilly MyElroy (her website)

walkability...

2008-04-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

My apartment has a "walking score" of 94 out of 100!!!

funniest. crap. ever.

2008-03-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

"Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb."

coffee, wine, and cat hair.

2008-03-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

My weekend with the Housman's was so so wonderful.
Perfection, with a overdose of benedryl on the side.

It was so good to be around people who remind me of who I am.
Which, in turn, makes me realize how often I forget.

For the whole bathtub sequence...

all too true.

2008-03-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/81-graduate-school/

"Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They just made a terrible life choice!" Marge Simpson

it's funny when its just a movie...

2008-02-27T14:23:00.000-08:00

What might it look like to confront the truth with humility, rather than continue to close the curtain?

chaotic caucus.

2008-02-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, my elementary school was used as a voting location. I remember coming in from recess and seeing adults quietly walk inside a curtained booth, check a box, and slip it discreetly into a large, locked box. It was a sophisticated, almost regal event.

And then on Saturday, I caucused.

Several hundred people duking it out in a gymnasium, fighting to sway each other’s vote. Grown women stomped and shouted. Men shed tears. There may have even been some hair-pulling.

I loved it. Neighbors coming together and talking about things that matter. Explaining what they believe, and why they care so much. At a caucus, you physically divide yourselves and stand beneath the candidate you are supporting. Then, in between the two camps, there was a lunch table, where the undecided voters sit. A whistle is blown (not really) and people descend on the undecideds, trying to convince them to vote for their candidate. People begin to talk to the other side (over the table of undecideds) and debate why their candidate is the better candidate. Then there is a final vote at the end, and delegates from each precinct are selected. You choose someone from YOUR neighborhood to represent YOUR candidate at the next level.

Faces were seen, voices were heard…

And Obama won.

forgettable.

2008-01-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

“Unforgettable, that’s what you are…”

The words just drip from Nat King Cole’s mouth (via my ipod) and wrap themselves around my little heart. Oh, how I want to be unforgettable!

You know that feeling when you are forced to “re-meet” someone you’ve already met (and perhaps had a pseudo-conversation with) because they don’t remember meeting you? It’s awful, right? Do you tell them you’ve already met, or endure the awkward repeating of the same glorious introductory information? Now I’ve been both the “forgetter”, and the “forgotten” but I’ve come to a hard conclusion.

My first impression is often timid or standoff-ish, unsure of how I’ll be received. I might avert my eyes the next time I see the person in order to avoid having to introduce myself again.

In deeming myself ‘forgettable’, I quickly become exactly that.

Christmas Lights!

2007-12-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

Every Christmas Eve my family piles into one car and drives around my hometown looking at Christmas lights. I'm never THAT impressed with Christmas lights, but THIS is pretty incredible. The house is actually in the county where I lived in Michigan, and right near my friend Tiece's house (for all you Michiganders, it's right off Port Sheldon) AND...the ending is SO typical of West Michigan...I love it.

oh, toto.

2007-12-19T12:59:00.001-08:00

I don't intend for this blog to become a dumping ground for the glories of the internet...is this any better than forwarded mass-emails? But - this made me laugh out loud...several times.

end of the semester...

2007-12-14T13:04:00.000-08:00

Just a promise that now that the longest semester of my grad school career has ended...I will try to find time in the next week to post some of my OWN words.

dooce, plug # 8,742

2007-12-14T12:57:00.000-08:00

So I have been a long time fan of dooce.com, and yet again, I must introduce you to Heather Armstrong.Her words here are extremely vulnerable and beautiful - and as a girl who sees a therapist, as well as wants to be one... this is powerful.

"I think many people are afraid that if they take medication or even agree to see a therapist that they are in some way admitting failure or defeat. Or they have been told by their boyfriend or their mother or their best friend that they should buck up and get over it, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Well then, let me be weak. Let me be a failure. Because being over here on this side, where I see and think clearly, where I'm happy to greet my child in the morning, where I can logically maneuver my way over tiny obstacles that would have previously been the end of the world, over here being a failure is a hell of a lot more enjoyable than the constant misery of suffering alone."

Read the rest of her words...

you can't take away the dream...

2007-11-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

The passing of Thanksgiving traditionally ushers in the Christmas season. Christmas trees go up, and Black Friday begins the holiday shopping rush.

I am a firm believer that Christmas music should NOT be played before Thanksgiving, and should be relegated by the time New Years Eve comes around. So this morning on my way back from dropping my sister at the airport, I flipped through the radio stations and was quickly reminded of one of the strange jems of the holiday season up here in Seattle. I'll share a bit of the most horrifically tacky and annoyingly catchy pieces of the song.

"The wind may not blow
Might not even snow
But there's nothing like Christmas
Right here at home

It may not be white
Might be a rainy night
But there's nothing like sharing
The sounds and the sights of ...

Christmas in the Northwest
Is a gift that we can share
Christmas in the Northwest
Is a child's answered prayer

Take away the presents
And they still will have a dream
For Christmas in the Northwest
Is a gift God wrapped in green...

And I know it may not turn out white
But it's still 'silent night'...
For Christmas in the Northwest
Is a gift God wrapped in green

A gift God wrapped up in green."

down on the corner...

2007-11-14T12:33:00.000-08:00

After a night of studying at Bauhaus, I was walking from my parking spot to the apartment (which is right in the heart of the city), turned the corner and found myself face to face with a HUGE raccoon! He was staring RIGHT at me, and neither of us moved.

Then - I quietly stepped a few feet to the left, and he slowly sauntered down the sidewalk past me. The funniest part? We both took a few steps, and looked back at each other. No joke.

It was then that I realized I had my pepper spray... just in case.

the sister formerly known as bulkeley...

2007-09-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

...is now Mrs. Norman!!!!

my little sister Becca got married this past weekend! It was a chaotic whirlwind weekend, but really could not have gone smoother. I absolutely ADORE Derek (her hubby) and it was SO fun to see them both so happy! I don't have words to really speak about the weekend, so I'll just post some pics. Becca asked me to take some bridal portraits for her in our house, which was lots of fun! Here are some faves (and one from the wedding, too!)

If you want even more, go here (or look on facebook) Her photographer was fabulous (See his stuff)of the wedding day!

oh goodness...

2007-08-13T16:31:00.001-07:00

Alright, so this video caught me totally off guard. Evidently these two people raised a lion cub and when he got too big they released him back into the wild. This is a video of them visiting him.

Now most of you know that I'm not much of a waterworks...but for some reason this little clip just got me going.

Baby Dieleman

2007-08-12T16:36:00.001-07:00

Bethany, my BFF from Michigan, and her hubby Nick just had their baby!!!! She had about the fastest labor ever, and they are at home this week getting used to being a family! Congratulations! I love you guys - you will be incredible parents!!!

Welcome to the world, Porter David Dieleman!!! I can't wait to meet you in October!!!

edna the stegosaurus

2007-07-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

I worked yesterday for the first time in a while. Now Lucy (see old blog post) has mastered the three-year-old incessent question of "Why?" but has taken her curiosity and creativity to a new level. We were on our way avoid the rain and play inside at the nearest MacDonalds (which she affectionately calls "Mister Ingrid's" for unknown reasons) when she introduced me to Edna, her plastic stegosaurus. And if you ask me, there is no better name for a dinosaur. She didn't ask me though...because when I suggested she name her plastic elephant Frank, I got the most condescending look a three-year-old can muster.

all in a day's work....

2007-07-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

I love Seattle! So, there is something cool about a city where you can sleep until noon, hike a mountain, and sit on the top for hours watching paragliders jump off the edge of the cliff, with Mt Rainier in the background. WOW!!!! Then...make it back to the city in time for dinner and to put the finishing touches on one of those ever-looming grad school papers.s

I only have ONE paper left before I get a chunk of summer, and one last class to take before fall! YAY! Random: So today, I was walking to a coffee shop down the road, listening to my ipod (set to shuffle), and was STOPPED in my tracks when my good ol' friend PW's version of "Mary did you know" came up. Now I am normally have VERY specific range of dates during which Christmas music can be played each winter...but dang, that boy can sing!

**For those of you wondering (and anyone who knows me well) I am now certain that I am destined to be a paraglider, and will do it before the summer's over!

random moments

2007-06-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

I went to a different coffee shop this morning. Autumn and I met a woman because of jawbreakers (seriously) and ended up sitting with her for an hour, instead of studying for our exam today. We traded book titles, and she wrote down this poem on a napkin. It wasn't connected to our random encounter with her, but being that parts of our conversation have stayed with me all day, I figured I would share.

The Guest House, by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

beauty in the chaos.

2007-06-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

I credit Shanna Housman with showing me what beauty in chaos looks like...yet I still can't quite figure out how to make it work in my own chaotic existance. The last few weeks have been crazy (as evident in the lack of blogging) - I moved, then my parents came to visit, I'm in the thick of summer classes, working more hours, as well as some other things going on that I'm just not sure how, or if I have the emotional energy, to blog about.

So...in the midst of chaos... I suppose I'll supply my blog-readers with some beauty.

Mom, Dad and I on the ferry to Bainbridge Island

We went hiking a couple weeks ago - it was 80 degrees out, but most of the hike was still covered in snow!

Another (not quite) Mary Poppins moment - we went swimming in a public fountain!

new apartment!

2007-05-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

I moved! So it was a bit earlier than planned, but Katie and I moved into our new apartment last weekend! Rentals in Seattle FLY off the market, so it literally happened like this.

4pm - Autumn told me she saw an apartment online that looked promising.
4:45pm - I called the landlord to set up an appt to see it.
5pm - We look at the apartment.
5:30pm - We signed the application and paid the deposit.
6:15pm - I was in class, planning where my furniture would go in the new living room.

I had some WONDERFUL friends help me move, and Katie and I are settling into our new digs. The apartment is amazing - it is on Queen Anne hill, so it's walking distance to downtown and to school. We have 3 huge windows that overlook the Puget Sound, so we can watch all the boats coming in and out of the the docks. We get a breeze off the water! Pictures to come!

(My apartment is a block from the park with this view of the city!)

so fresh and so clean (clean)...

2007-05-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

Tada! I have officially ruled out any possible chance that I would ever be interested in doing computer programming/html/code...EVER - but here is the updated blog! I'm still working out kinks (and quite possibly will just give up on many of them) but am pretty happy with the new "bloggie".

As for a real post, or new news... we are in between semesters this week, so I've spent LOTS of time out with friends, and am trying to start gearing up for summer classes. I joke about celebrating my birthday for an entire week, but I really did go out every night of my birthday week! Now, I am reminded that as much as I love people, I am an introvert: my energy comes from my alone time, and I have been made well aware of what happens when I DON'T take that time, set those boundaries, and say 'no'. Even so, here are a few photos from our adventures this past week....

80's night - Brent's birthday was the day after mine, but I claimed it as my own "after-party"

Mariners game! (I know it's blurry, but it makes me laugh)

My upcoming adventure: where my nose will buried all summer. Oh, joy.

happy 1st birthday, blog!

2007-04-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a year ago (yesterday), on my birthday. It has been fun to have some sort of chronicle of all of the changes, transitions, turmoil and redemption in the last year. I am amazed at where I've come, and how I got here! With that, I'm amazed that people want to follow my thoughts, and even comment on them!

I had a wonderful birthday! I am SO thankful for all the calls, voicemails, facebook messages, emails, visits, cards, and presents that I received! I am blown away by how great of friends I have! I had a bunch of friends over for dinner, and celebrated my birthday, as well as the end of the semester!

So far, 26 feels like it will be a good year.... I think I'd better knock, knock, knock on wood

Anyway, when I get some time I hope to give this blog a bit of a makeover...so stay tuned!

coming soon, to a living room near you...

2007-04-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

my dad!!! If you tune into the History Channel tomorrow night (Sunday) at 9pm... my dad is gonna be in a movie! He is General Grant in "Sherman's March" - and he even has a speaking part! So...pop some popcorn, tune in, and cheer loudly! We're so proud! Hopefully it will be remembered for reruns and reruns to come!

more smart, funny women

2007-04-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

Hopefully I gained some legitimacy with my endorsement of Dooce - so I've found another woman that you've got to know!

We've had 18 hours of class this weekend, and am thankful that Amber has shared another great reason to disengage my brain when Jung and Gestalt get a bit too much to handle. Indexed is great. This girl has got a brain, my friends - and it's the kind of math that me and my right-brain can handle. Enjoy!

wow.

2007-04-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

“God has a great heart. Only a divine artist with such huge longing would have the beauty and tenderness of imagination to dream and create such a wonderful universe...

The deepest nature of everything is longing. That is why there is always such hope of change and transfiguration. Beneath even the most hardened surfaces longing waits. Great music or poetry will always reach us because our longing loves to be echoed. Neither can we ever immunize ourselves against love; it knows in spite of us exactly how to whisper our longing awake.

Great moments always surprise you. The routine is broken, and unexpected crevices appear on the safe surface of your life. Such moments dowse you - they make you recognize that within you there is eternity.”
(John O'Donohue)

weighty weekend.

2007-04-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

"It's Friday...but Sunday's coming!"

I remember when Tony Compolo delivered his trademark sermon five years ago at Hope. I remember where I was sitting on that tiled floor, and how the refrain stunned me. Hope. The name of my school. The theme of Easter. The essence of my personality. I loved it. It rang true - that if we just keep moving, and point our eyes forward than hope will be easy. Good will come. He will rise. Reconciliation and redemption and life...it's coming. Stuff the grief under the rug, and push forward towards Sunday.

Then I came to Mars Hill...where hoping has never been harder. I've been asked to sit with the reality of Friday...to sit with the grief, to acknowledge the reality of death, and hold the weight of tragedy. I've learned how much hangs on hope, and how much I've done to destroy my hope. I've had Campolo's refrain running through my head all weekend, and each time I slightly cringe. I'm learning to sit in the weighty horror of Friday, and the silent waiting of Saturday. Impatiently waiting...but unable to speed up the morning. Wanting Sunday to come....knowing that it will come...yet, I can't do anything to bring it any faster.

In some ways, I feel like I've been waiting for the last eight months. I've sat with the death of me, and the death of God. Hope has been absent, days have been dark...but now...it feels like, finally, Sunday is on the horizon.

And I finally feel like I'm ready for Sunday.

dooce.

2007-03-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I think I've posted about her before - and I know some of you may have clicked on her little link to the right, but I decided that this woman warrants an entire post. Or two.

Her name is Heather Armstrong, but she blogs at dooce.com . She is a mom and a wife and a recovering Mormon (her words, not mine)...and her stuff is just HILARIOUS. She makes incredibly real, making motherhood look like something tangible, and life just seem more fun. Her humor is tremendous, and she writes these monthly letters to her daughter that will hopefully inspire every mother out there to do the same.

I promise to post something of my own thoughts soon - I've just been a bit bogged down with research, reading, and writing. And my mexican tan hasn't even faded completely... sigh.

control top.

2007-03-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

She said these legs have a mind of their own. Once they kicked a salesperson in Nordstrom's & she felt so bad she bought almost $400 worth of stuff & waited almost a week to return it. She is thinking of sending them to obedience school. Their best trick is a judicious use of pantyhose. Legs hate that kind of stuff so all it takes is one time.
**Brian Andreas

viva la mexico.

2007-03-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

We didn’t have classes last week, so my friend Rachael and I spent the week in Puerto Vallarta. It was an AMAZING time – the weather was perfect, our hotel was right on the beach, and we had waiters that brought our drinks right to our beach chairs.

Old Town Vallarta is absolutely beautiful – we had a great time exploring the cobblestone streets and finding eateries, shops, and parks. We met some really fun people – both other tourists and locals, and I got lots of opportunities to brush up on my Spanish! We came home with LOTS of stories (some we'll share, others we won't). And because there is no way my words will do it justice…here are some photos!

little munchkins, part 2.

2007-02-26T23:32:00.000-08:00

With weekly activities include Finnish school, swimming lessons, and a daily study of classic art pieces - this fully-potty trained 2 year old has accomplished more than many kids do in nearly 3 or 4 years of life. She can distinguish organic vegetables from inorganic like only a Seattle toddler could do, and refuses to eat the latter. Her newest game is asking me for "jug-geshuns" (suggestions) for how she should go down the slide, and my required response is "On your belly, and then go boom". She always refers to herself in third person, and won't leave the house without a naked baby doll in tote.

Bryn, meet the blogworld. Blogworld, meet B.

my little munchkins, part 1.

2007-02-20T23:35:00.000-08:00

She's a spunky little Australian with crazy curly blond-hair that she refuses to have combed. She greets me every morning with a huge hug, and a deep sigh, "mer, i need coffee!" (say your r's like w's and c's like t's). The first day I met her, she ran into the room to show me a fistful of her poop. I should have known that was only the beginning. She's a pistol. Things she thinks are funny: spitting, screaming, running in the opposite direction when I call her name, and pulling the husky's tails until they almost bite off her face.

But then there are moments when she'll exclaim, "Cheers!" and clink her sippy cup against my water glass, or when the only thing in the world that will soothe her is a big ol' cuddle from me, her nanny.

Everyone, meet Lucy. Lucy, meet everyone.

Happy President's Day!

2007-02-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

a few procrastination notes...

2007-02-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

Five things I've learned this week (brought to you by all those family of origin thoughts I'm not thinking right now, and the caffeine from the letters Z-O-K-and A.)

1. Addiction keeps friends together. Following the Grey's Anatomy cliff-hanger, I received 4 facebook messages, 3 phone calls, and 2 text messages from friends expressing their concern.

2. Sometimes guys want to watch a chickflick on Valentines Day...sometimes girls just want to drink beer and eat pizza.

2.5. If I struggled with "cutter's remorse" after snipping a few inches off my hair...Britney's got to be having a bad week.

3. There are nights when a girl just needs to listen to a boy play good music. And that's okay.

4. Real friends are the ones who will sit with you in a hospital for 5 hours and ponder life's deepest questions (what IS in those blue packages?)...or watch you drift in and out of sleep. :)

4.5. Tyra says genogram skirts will be all the rage next season. (get that idea copyrighted!)

5. I am not pregnant. (thank you, Dr Roger!)

michigan adventure

2007-02-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I headed back to Michigan for Hillary & Eric's wedding - it was BEAUTIFUL, and so much fun to see all the old Hope crew. It was a quick weekend (sorry to those of you who didn't know I was in town!) and despite it being the worst blizzard of the winter, it was a really nice trip. I got to see Bethany and Nick, and celebrate the new baby that is on it's way - as well as the GR auto show (they are bringing back my old VW Rabbit!) One night at Mike's turned into a night of foosball, our own (sad, dilapidated) version of PIG, and a near game of Mafia...it felt like college all over again except (most) everyone is married, pregnant or owning houses!!!

"Off the ceiling, down the flag, and coming to a rest behind the stereo."

weight of the world.

2007-01-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

This week, my chiropractor showed me something in xrays that proved what I have known for years.
I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders. And it's slowly killing me.

Okay, fine. Not killing me. But it sure is causing me a lot of pain. After all those years of contact sports and car accidents - my back is showing a bit of wear and tear. It turns out that the curve of my neck prohibits my spine from doing all the shock-absorbing that it's intended to. Instead...my vertebrae just keep hitting each other, and any nerve within reach. Neat, huh?

It takes the spine a while to remember something new - so it takes a lot of visits to the chiropractor to realign me...forcibly crack my spine back into alignment. Perhaps that's what I need in life, too. Someone to pull, twist, and crack me until I can learn a new, healthier way of living.

I tend to carry my burdens. Heck, I love to carry other people's burdens, if they'll let me. Not that this is always a problem, but I have been learning to distinguish compassion from moments of self-mutilation, where in an attempt to not fully give of myself, I simply attempt to take on their pain as my own. I'm starting to set down some of my baggage, I'm unsure what to do with my empty hands, or the ache of the damage done.

am i too much?

2007-01-08T23:32:00.000-08:00

well, classes have officially started this semester (in the new buildling) and therefore, I've got more questions, concerns, and ideas rattling around in my head.

This is nothing new to my blog readers...but i tend to talk fast...and i talk alot. I process outloud...usually not until most of the words are out of my mouth do I realize their weighty relevance. I'm opinionated (shocker, I know), and honest. I am a strong woman, and often feel confident and even rewarded for being so.

However, we were talking about gender differences today in Marriage and Family, and (understand that this is a mere portion of the point) Dan said the following about women. "The more you speak, the more you’ll be alone. To be a woman is to walk into every room knowing that you are more than the men around you can handle."

This resonates deeply with my fears about being a strong woman, a vocal woman, and a flawed woman - not merely in the context of romantic relationships (while this is true), but in all relationships: Am I too much to handle? I want to be seen and loved, but am scared that I am too much. Most women (myself included) respond with a desperate attempt to mar their own beauty, by presenting a mere shell of her true self, sure that that is what has been deemed 'beautiful' by our culture, and even by the church. A woman's self worth becomes wrapped up and defined by what others name her to be, and how well they "handle" her. We attempt to become someone "handle-able", despite the reality that we are cheating others of the imagebearer that we were created to be. It is here that perhaps even a strong woman needs a bit of pursuing - a man confident in his own "handling capablities" to begin drawing out, seeking after, and inviting her to showcase her glory.

By the end of this entry, I'm realizing that I cringe every time I typed the word 'handle'. How has our culture managed to let women believe they are something to be handled, at all? As this was the first day of class, these are only preliminary thoughts.

And because it doesn't feel right to end a blog entry without a little Rosie...
"Someday some boy will fall in love with all my flaws, and he sure will be the lucky one"

home.

2007-01-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

My whirlwind stop in Michigan was wonderful! After my clothes absorbed that distinct caffeinated scent of JP's, and eating more Panera than my stomach knew what to do with - I realized how comfortable Holland is. It is a place that I slip back into easily, and at the same time recognized that I am not able to be the person I was just a few months ago.

So many of my classmates face the struggle with friends and family being uninterested with this "Mars Hill thing", and I am blessed to have the opposite. Despite my own difficulty with communicating some of this "new language" and the depths in which I've been wrestling, I had some very interesting conversations with both family and friends. I was so honored to get to speak with those who love me and so grateful at their insights, questions, and presence with me.

*I love (and hate) that Holland stays the same - in a lot of ways, it felt like I'd never left! ...knowing everyone in JP's, my girls making brackets when playing video games, tea @ Jill's, photo hunt at the Brewery, my bed at Bethany and Nick's, coffee with my YL girls, movies and wine at Mike's, and shopping downtown.
*"I'm obsessed with our family" (to quote Becca) Wedding planning, calamari, my room that hasn't changed since high school, our acapella rap montage on the way to church, Chinese-bootleg movies, the sock game, the boneyard, Derek's fireplace, and that bounty that's on the table if we elope. I love that home is...home.

And also, that we are still allowed to create "home" in someplace new. There are several places where I am loved, and loved well. At the same time - there seems to be no place that I truly fit. I've returned to Seattle with this hope that feels new and awkward, and I feel like I'm standing in this place that seemed impossible even a few months ago. I've outgrown the places I've come from, as well as the skin I'm in.

My Rosie Thomas addiction hasn't subsided, and there is a lyric off her new album (with Sufjan and Damien Jurado) that says, "I have much farther to go. Everything is new and so unpredictable. I should just get my things together and go home...But I’m not sure where that is anymore."

I could keep going - but this seems a bit top heavy for one blogpost. Perhaps another time...

rings, rocks, and christmas socks.

2006-12-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

So after a few days of forced silence, until all the appropriate people were notified, I've been given clearance to release the news to the blog world. When I got home this past weekend I was met with some exciting news, Becca, my younger sister, is engaged! Her adorable boyfriend, Derek, had planned to pop the question on New Years, but got the ring on Friday and couldn't wait! We are all SO excited, and can't wait for Derek to be a part of the family! (and because I am entitled to sisterly gawking...look at that rock...WOW! it seems to get bigger every time we see it!)

I can't post without explaining a couple of my family's traditions. Bulkeley traditions take on a sacred nature - especcially our Christmas routines - Before the late night service at church, we drive around and look at lights, then my dad reads us the old pop-up edition of 'The Night Before Christmas'. Then, on Christmas morning - my sisters and I run down the stairs, anxiously awaiting what Santa may have placed under the tree. We might all be toting coffee mugs these days, but we've held these traditions since childhood, and in their familiarity, there is a comfortable love.

*I haven't quite figured out the spacing business on this thing - sorry!

done.

2006-12-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

I'm done...in more ways than one. No more papers, no more classes, no more readings. This semester had been hard - and my body is feeling it. I'm exhausted and empty.

I am so ready to spend time with friends and family in Michigan and at home. I leave Saturday to drive cross country with Katie, then it's off to Holland for a few days to see all sorts of friends and YL kids. Lots of coffee, lots of laughing, and people who love me well.

I love how predictable my time at home will be...we become little hermits - watching movies, laying on the couch cuddling under blankets, and doing stupid dances as we put dishes away after our low-cal, non-fat, fake butter dinner. (just the way we like it)

hermeneutics, schmermeneutics.

2006-12-11T23:43:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are interested, I figured I'd paste some of the juicy bits and pieces of my final hermeneutics paper that I turned in today. It exposes a bit of my cynicism, but is a pretty honest look at where I am at in this whole thing. We talked about how once something is put into words, it holds something very true...and then almost as quickly it is no longer true, because you've been changed in the writing process. I feel like I'm shifting between my cynicism and hope - and neither fit quite right.

"...My history in the institutional church has left me extremely hesitant of the language used to talk about the Bible’s divine inspiration. I can acknowledge that God has used Scripture to reveal Himself to humanity, and had a role in its formation, but wrestle with the labels and boxes the church has assigned to the Scriptures. Christians too often hide behind the “divinity defense” and immediately shut down innocent curiosity. Religion has taught me to accept what I’m told, and to feel guilty for the questions that I have voiced. Creativity has not been allowed, neither room for imagination or critical thinking...

.....In my present obsession with the interplay between author and reader, I have recognized a lack of attention to the text. This repercussion of my struggle seems to the battle between naming God as the author or as the text itself. It feels like a newer, deeper freedom in being able to note the human author’s role, but also acknowledge the text’s deeply authoritative nature. The text itself moves in a redemptive direction that hints at God’s redemptive ideal. Through the entire Scriptures, God works contextually to move people from their current culture’s standards to a higher standard. When the text is seen as having its own voice, apart from reader and author, I begin to see God’s part in the dance.

...My experience in ministry and my religion studies in college have led me to read the Bible with the intention of learning or teaching. My motivation has been to transform others, but I resist the personal transformation in myself. The Bible has too often been used as a tool, an offensive weapon, and a hard-sided conversation stopper for me to willingly engage it in a way that invites transformation. I enjoy the study of it, but with an underlying objective of shutting down former lines of thinking or exclusive passages. My questions are not with the intention of creating (despite my vocalized desire to do so) but to deconstruct and disillusion. I have found a new freedom in the postmodern hermeneutical movements and camaraderie in my desperate hope that God was more than I was taught while growing up. My current posture is not yet one of a hopeful student, but instead a jaded, motivated cynic...

...My tendency to analyze and question seems to be a lashing out after years of not being able to do so. I am aware that I’m abusing a freedom, but would rather err on that side than to be shackled again with the inability to think at all. I am on a desperate hunt for a text, and a God, that can stand up to my incessant, beating questions....

... As much as I enjoy my newfound freedom to explore and question the Scriptures, I find myself fearful of the significant role in which the reader is placed, and am nearly paralyzed when I think of how often I miss or wrongly name truth. What happens when I negate a truth because I’m oblivious to my own baggage? How do we rape the Scriptures of their intended truth when someone approaches it with an unnamed motive? I am skeptical that interpretation without some sort of motive is even possible, and if so, how often it happens. I believe this fear is what has caused the church to shame the common parishioner from the hermeneutical process. When we orient ourselves around an incomplete truth, without considering all three dancing pieces, we risk an unstable foundationalism...."

attention all shoppers...

2006-12-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is big news. You may want to sit down.

Did you know JCrew offers a 10% discount to all students!?!?! I just recently (as in today) found this out, and can't believe all those times in my life up till now I have been paying 10% more than I needed to. Wow.

And they even accept our ghetto-fied MH cards...(with a little convincing)

Rejoice, good shopping friends, rejoice.

it's a bird, it's a plane...

2006-12-01T08:52:00.000-08:00

Today, my dad retires. He's been a judge since the year that I was born and has served our community, and my family in an incredible way. When I was younger, my friends mistook him for Superman, with his dark glasses by day, and his coolness factor by night. And who wouldn't!? Who else's dad is in the imdb.com database AND opened for The Drifters!?!

I think one of the best things about my dad is the way that he ALWAYS put us first. He'd spend his lunch breaks swimming with us at the pool, or tote me around to sell Girl Scout cookies to all the ladies in the courthouse (they still expect me to be packing a box of Thin Mints). When he was home, he was home.

My dad has embodied that tender balance between powerful strength and gentle mercy - and for that I'm thankful.

Check out this article in our local paper.

turkey and precipitation.

2006-11-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful thanksgiving with my family (for the highlight reel including fourwheelers, football and guns, see Becca's blog ) It was so fun just to laugh with my sisters, and have some great conversations.

I got back to Seattle, and for a city that gets a lot of rain, they sure don't know what to do when it snows. There is only enough snow on the ground to make Michiganders giggle...but it has completely shutdown Seattle.
Look at the time on the photo... rush hour lasted until 2 or 3am! No joke! After making it about a half mile in 2 hours, we abandoned our cars and headed back to the building where we have class. We played basketball, wrote papers, and played music until the roads cleared a bit.

Most everything is closed today - and for a city without salt trucks...this could be a long, icy week!

Grateful.

2006-11-22T00:54:00.000-08:00

I fly out this morning for Thanksgiving. My fabulous younger sister posted some great thoughts about our holiday plans. Time with my family is rare, and precious - the five of us haven't been together since last Christmas!

It's strange that the words thankful and grateful feel very different to me. Both acknowledge an appreciation and often even an acknowledgement of a gift and a giver, but grateful carries something weighty with it. This isn't fully thought out - but just a preliminary thunk. (I'm obviously not a blogger who plans and drafts and edits...)

I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for Mars Hill, and the significant changes that it has already held for me. I am grateful for my friends, and the wonderous ways that the internet has made staying in touch so much easier! I am grateful for the way that God has begun to stir something in me.

Random (very random) sidenote: I have a strange issue with some words - when I write them many times they start to look strange to me...even ugly. Words like energy (that one is never a pretty word) and now grateful. It kind of looks like grapenuts...

Anyway.
Happy Thanksgiving!

insomnia.

2006-11-14T02:33:00.000-08:00

I can’t sleep. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve been asleep before 3am.

I am exhausted...but unable to stop. There seems to be a battle for my heart – fear vs hope – and I can’t seem to rest in the ambivalence. Dwight talked in class today of presencing…and the language of the “dark night of the soul” never seemed more real than it does in the midst of this insomnia.

My frustrated thoughts about sleep have turned to thoughts of rest, and from there – to waiting. I hate waiting. I’ll avoid standing in a line at all costs. I’ll skip the coffee, the rollercoaster, or the quick grocery trip if the line is too long.

And so I sit...desperately wanting to hope, but it seems much safer to fearfully hide under the covers…

intertextuality.

2006-11-12T01:10:00.000-08:00

You know you've chosen a great grad program when you can incorporate RENT into a paper! I'm comparing this with either the last supper or Jesus' dinner at Levi's house. If only we could perform the dance in class...

hibernating.

2006-11-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

There are only a few things I can justify doing on rainy days. Laying around the house in sweats, watching movies....and keep the coffee comin'! I'm realizing that if I am to be at all productive between now and May - this habit needs to change. I, along with several friends, have been deep into hibernation mood (to steal Lacie's vocab) this past week. Some of this can be blamed on it being "crunch time" between now and Christmas, but (at least for me) mostly it's the two weeks of non-stop rain.

*Sidenote*There are a few things that warm my heart everytime I see them, one of those being any red VW Rabbit/Cabriolet. My 1980 little ragtop holds so many memories of learning to drive a stickshift (or more accurately, learning what a burning clutch smells like), and all the randomness of high school summers in Illinois (Jenny, insert memory here). It would break down in the fastfood drive-through lane or in the middle of the intersections where ALL the Galesburg traffic could stop and take notice.

Anyway - I would occasionally see one putting around Holland, and then today, I've seen THREE! I just saw the third as I was walking back from my neighborhood video store (sadly, dad, they don't have Adam Killogg's diary - but I'll see what I can do) BUT - lo and behold, in all the beauty that a camera phone can capture...

Sigh...I think that was honestly the only car I never dented, crashed or totaled. What an innocent time...

story of the day

2006-11-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

"You'll have to tell me over the phone, she said.
I checked with my mirror & it told me I was too scary to go out today."

(Storypeople, Brian Andreas)

everybody cut loose.

2006-11-02T17:53:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've realized my last few posts have been a bit introspective... and more than that - I have gotten my mother worried about me. So, in an attempt to calm the masses - I've got a few more interesting Seattle observations.

*I passed a store the other day on my way to work called "Chainsaws and More". Now, at first I thought this might be a temporary, Halloween-season type store - but no. Put that on the same block as "Stupid Prices" and you've got yourself a hub of awkward activity.

*A few months ago I heard a comedian say, "The funny thing about Seattle is that you never know who is homeless and who is just on break." Inappropriate? A bit...but it made me laugh then, and then the other day I saw a man was walking along the side of the road with a cardboard sign that read, "Need color tv, 6-pack beer and a hot pizza". I am not even joking.

*Halloween: Age, lack of finances, and a higher education will not stop us from enjoying this holiday! Perhaps it only makes us more creative? That's right people...two nights, two costumes. It takes a certain energy to be a shower loofah...and I just didn't think I could carry it off for two nights.

silence is golden (golden)

2006-10-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

Except it isn’t.

Saturday was a day long prayer retreat.
Sitting, laying, and stretching on a small mat …silently.

Silence is hard for me. I don’t do it well.

But sitting on my mat, I stumbled upon some profundities. I realized why stopping is hard for me... and I was made painfully aware of the overwhelming ache I feel when I write. I’ve never been one to journal daily. Instead, I write when I need to think, to process, and lately, I’ve been avoiding it. The idea of certain thoughts becoming inked realities was too scary. But I wrote. I kept stopping as I wrote, rereading the words and cringing in my thought process. There is something about ink that makes things…well, indelible. They can’t be forgotten or ignored any longer...and while there is freedom in that release, there is also a process that demands to begin.

It was day full of holy moments. I encountered some hard truth that I needed to fully recognize. As in the title quote of my blog...I sat barefoot...aware that I was on holy ground.

PS: Before anyone decides to commend me on staying silent, you should know that I didn’t. I broke, after about 3 hours, and spent the afternoon processing outloud with a wonderful friend. I am not yet a reformed “do-er”.

Any more silence most likely would have killed me. ☺

espresso in my bloodstream...

2006-10-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

...and that's about the only thing keeping me awake right now.

So I pulled my first all-nighter of grad school last night, and let me tell you - I am not the spring chicken that I was in undergrad!! But after today, it's "Reading Week", which is the highly intellectual phrase we in higher education use to refer to FALL BREAK.

Stay tuned for more inspiration to hit,
most likely on a day that I can keep my eyes open...

hide and seek.

2006-10-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

With some help from Imogen Heap, nannying, practicum, and a few conversations with friends - I've heard these words a lot this week. A simple childhood game has turned into a pretty accurate way to describe the thoughts tumbling in my head this week.

Am I willing to be found? Am I hidden deep in the back of a closet, or am I merely behind a large piece of furniture, giggling and tugging on curtains - just begging to be found?

Do I even know WHERE I am hiding? What would I do if I were found? Or worse, not sought after?

Do I have the strength to seek someone else out of their hiding place? I am more and more aware of my own exhaustion - will I seek out someone else i know is hiding?

I'll stop, before I run this metaphor into the ground and confuse the masses...

I've got a coffee date with Harry (not you, Dad) and a TON of work to do. Reading week is only a couple weeks away!

loss for words.

2006-10-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been frustrated with my lack of words. Not only in blogging, but in conversations with friends and in my own thought process, too. I believe I am entering into the thick of this thing we call "Mars Hill"...and it's much more disruptive than I anticipated. And in the midst of the chaos, I am desperately trying to find the beauty. Because I know that some of you want to try to track with me through this process, I want to try to put a few words to the some of the ideas I'm wrestling with.

I am realizing how strangely distant and comfortable I am when telling the stories of my life. Now, perhaps it's because I've worked through quite a few of those stories, but in some cases, I've removed myself from them. I've tied them up with a nice and pretty bow of pretense and used them in enough club talks to make them feel normal and...finished. My memories are not the actual story at all, but what I've created the story to be in my own (or in some cases someone else's) retelling of it.

I think that I may have lost a bit of myself in the meantime.

oh, rosie.

2006-09-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

Wow. What an incredible show. Tonight, Lacie and I went to see Rosie Thomas downtown at the Triple Door (what a great venue!)...and again, wow. Her voice was shockingly raw and sacredly pure. At least, her singing voice. On our way to our seats we were stopped dead in our tracks as she started to speak in between songs. This powerful singing voice comes out of the same mouth as this high, meek, child-like talking voice. It's so unexpected, but incredibly endearing.

Anyway - what a beautiful night.

"When will love ever find me?
All my life all I have craved is to be seen
Who cares anyway?
Cuz when it's over all that matters is the love you gave away"

Oh, Rosie...that stirs something in me.

serious girls.

2006-09-24T11:49:00.000-07:00

"I wish my calves were fuller, like yours."
"But yours are nice. At least they're shapely."

"But that's just it! I feel like they have no shape!"
"I used to wish when I was little that I had curly black hair, that kind of blue-black"

"I know what you mean. I used to wish I didn't have a nose."
"Really?"
"Yes. I thought it would look much nicer."

On other days we worry that we don't have a core."

(Serious Girls, by Maxine Swann)

I am reminded again of how true this is.

freezeframe! (do do) freezeframe! (do do)

2006-09-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

"There is no causality or linearity to life…only story connection. To enter the human heart, all you have to do is connect the stories!" dan allender

The idea of connecting my stories is going to be tough. So many of my memories have been reduced to photographs - I don't remember many of the backstories, the details, or the feelings - just what was captured in the photo. Connecting those stories in a way that is more than just filing them into a chronological album is frustrating, because I'm not exactly sure what's true and what's been shaped by my (or someone else's) faulty memory....or what we CHOOSE to remember.

It reminds me of my other Mars Hill ...and the "backwards direction"...to know where we're going, we have to know where we've been.

Today was a rough day. And before you start to worry (mom) - it was a good day...just a hard day. It was one of the first days I felt the weight of what I'm getting into. The pressure of listening well, of hearing someone else's heart and their untold story come through the story that they are telling me. The pressure of digging into my own story - putting words to tragedies that I don't want to remember...and then giving others permission to enter those scenes, and hold my words.

On a lighter note - the Seattle rain is coming (I can already hear the mocking laughter from all of you in the midwest)...and I've set out on a mission to buy a raincoat. I got my financial aid refund check (YAY!), so I feel like a rich woman...a rich woman in need of a raincoat. Becca - you can help find me sumtin' pretty when you're bored at work...

bumbershoot and handfuls of poop.

2006-09-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Apologies for not having updated in a while...and with my parents out of the country I didn't have anyone (lovingly) nagging me to update. I'll try to recap with a bit more clarity than the last post.

*Bumbershoot: Katie and I spent Labor Day at the base of the Space Needle, listening to a phenomenal Steve Miller Band concert, and some other shows, films, and comedians. We had SUCH a good time...a very low-key, VERY Seattle experience.

*Classes. I'm on overload...it's shocking how quickly I'd forgotten how to study. I am loving my classes, the profs are great, and I'm slowly getting to know my classmates. We had a retreat out on Bainbridge Island this past weekend - we took a ferry out there and spent the weekend playing all those group games that I've forced high school kids to play the past few years (and for that, I'm deeply sorry) :)

*Work. The nanny job is going really well. Both girls are in the midst of potty-training, and the other day one of the girls was SO proud that she'd gone in the toilet, she ran out into the hallway with a fistful of poop and a huge smile on her face.

*Lost. We've been trying to catch up on the last 2 seasons of LOST before the 3rd season starts in a few weeks. (yes, I realize I've just been complaining about how overwhelmed grad school has been - but I can't study ALL the time...right?) Jen shipped me the Chinese bootlegs, so we've been trying to piece together skipped scenes and Chinese subtitles covering up Korean translations ...and relating the whole thing to this Mars Hill experience we're entering into (and minus the polar bears and creepy whispers it's amazingly similar)

Know that this is an extremely short version of a very significant few weeks... but I'll try to get better at this.

both/and, either/or

2006-09-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

"Faith doesn’t end the sitcom w/ a happy ending. It will always complicate your life –it doesn’t sooth it – Faith turns your life into a NEW dimension of madness. Faith always requires more faith. Most of us think we have enough faith, and don’t wish for more. But when we respond in faith to God, He honors us by saying “Wonderful…now let’s up the anty!” God is a gambler with your soul (think Job).

When you live by faith you enter (without question) MORE madness – not less."

Well…one day of class done, and we’re halfway through day two. While leaving the house yesterday with my roommates I had a flashback to being 7 years old, and walking with my parents up to Lincoln Elementary (the Lean Green Fighting Machine) on the first day of school. Laffy Taffy’s from the Friendly Cafe, the grumpy crossing guard who sat in his car all day long outside the DMV, and the creepy underpass that strangely always smelled like fish, despite being in the cornfields of Illinois.

I was rudely awakened to the fact that grad school is nothing like first grade. We were lectured and talked at for 8 hours yesterday. It was long, tedious and boring, and at times brilliant, enlightening and overwhelming. Dan has a way of speaking where every word he speaks demands reflection and action. It’s brilliant. Exhausting, but brilliant.

"Biblical hope creates troublesome revolutionaries that are in, but not of, the world. Men and woman of hope live where you can smell death…and weep. If you don’t weep, you don’t hope."

Warehouses of higher education

2006-08-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

My school...(for all of you who thought I was kidding when I said it was a warehouse)

Sigh...slightly different than the Pine Grove and Dimnent...

We tried to peek in the windows, to see if the progress was more notable on the inside.

Supposedly it will be transformed by October???

mary poppins, frauline maria, and ME!

2006-08-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I've officially got a job! I got hired this weekend as the nanny for two sweet little girls! I think it will be a really good fit, and as much as I was looking forward to the Aveda discount - I think I can do this job without wanting to shoot myself everyday.

chaos.

2006-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Alright - two weeks down, here are some more notes...

1. Seattle stops for pedestrians. Now this isn't nearly like Holland's 8th Street, but it's still pretty amazing. My mother would hate it. In my neighborhood there are few lights to wait for, and drivers tend to get irritated if you wait for them to motion you across.

2. People bike like it's their job. They take helmet-wearing very seriously (like it's a motorcycle) and will boo/honk you off your bike if you aren't wearing one.

3. Seattle is a DOG city...dogs are allowed everywhere, into grocery stores, coffee shops, salons...etc It makes me want a dog even MORE than before - there are dog boutiqes, salon/spas, daycare...they don't mess around. There is a dog at Greenlake that climbs trees. Yes, you heard me. It's owner will put a treat up a ways on a tree, and the dog scampers up it like a squirrel. It's an odd thing.

4. Speaking of interesting people at Greenlake...this city makes for the best people-watching ever - on my run this morning I saw a woman in the middle of the park, with a big wooden table that had these huge, (not pink, but) sparkly letters that spelled "POET". She was sitting at the table, writing something...presumably poetry. I don't know if the intention was to write poems for someone else, or just broadcasting who she is and what she was doing on this sunny Sunday morning. There is also this man who dresses head to toe in white, with a big plastic white hat (looks like a mini-clothes hamper) and a white smock that says "SPANISH LESSONS" in red letters. He's always walking around the lake with someone, looking just as thoughtful and happy as an elderly man should.

I'm desperate to get a routine. At this point I've got NOTHING to do everyday - and I realize that quite a few people would react with envy and would love to be sleeping in, hanging out, and doing nothing all day - but I can't handle it! I am a person who thrives on chaos, on busyness and pressure. I love it - I come alive in it. I need my downtime, just like any good introvert, but in times like this, of extended, unearned vacation - I freak out. I need deadlines to motivate me. I need chaos to put order to. Otherwise, it's hard for me to find reason or motivation to do anything! Ugg. I've got a couple interviews today - hopefully it will end in something.

Our house is finally full - Michael got here yesterday. A friend and I checked out a church yesterday- Church of the Apostles - it was interesting. Very different than Mars Hill (Michigan)...

unpacking

2006-08-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

I've officially been in Seattle a week. I can't really call the following highlights, or even observations...so we'll just call them notes....very random notes, but I feel a bit obligated to post something. Perhaps as I'm unpacking boxes, I need to unpack this last week a little bit.

1. The closest Target (therefore deemed "my target") has an escalator. That's right...which leads me to my next point - it's 2 levels (I'll bet you didn't see that coming!) Oh yes, it's true. I'm still not used to it yet, but I felt right at home once I found the dollar spot, and the racks upon racks of clearance swimsuits.

2. There is a boating regatta on Greenlake this week. It's been neat to see, but BUSY. There are lots of different universities competing, on the long skinny boats (what are they called?) Anyway...I ran by them all this morning, and stopped to watch for a minute. One of those sports I never had the chance to pick up living in central Illinois.

3. There is something about having a Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and not one, but TWO Starbucks within easy walking distance that just makes me happy. Not to mention 2 parks, a lake, and the zoo. Our house is really in a GREAT location... Bethany and I even found a Chinese place with free delivery!

4. My stuff is finally all out of the boxes it was packed in. It might be in other boxes, on the floor, or in the trash...but it is ALL unpacked. Ikea furniture is all put together, boxes are taken (mostly) taken apart, and we even turned the cable on yesterday!

5. I miss my YL girls. Even more than I thought I would...I'm tearing up just thinking of them. I want to know what they're doing, listen to their questions, laugh with them, hug them, drink coffee and shop with them.

Don't worry - I'm sure there is LOTS more unpacking to do...

moved.

2006-08-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

Well, for those of you following the saga... I'm officially a resident of Seattle, Washington! Bethany and I left Holland on Thursday afternoon, and arrived in Seattle on Sunday night. It was a LONG car ride, but we made the best of it! With layovers at my parent's, Rob and Shanna's, and Yellowstone...books on tape, old music you forget you know the words to, and ridiculous amounts of fast food and candy...we made it!

I hadn't seen this house...not even a picture until I had already paid rent, signed the lease, and committed to it - but its WONDERFUL! My roommates are great, the location of the house is perfect, and my pod arrived today with all of my belongings. It's been a pretty hitch-free transition, at least physically. Emotionally it's taking a toll, but I'm really excited for this whole new chapter. Bethany and I were running around Greenlake yesterday, and I just kept realizing how surreal this whole thing is...I've wanted to live here, looked at webpages, and known this is a place where I'd fit...and be challenged...and I'm finally here! In our run around the lake we passed by lots of other runners, walkers, and dog-walkers, saw the sunset over the Space Needle, and ran through a concert of some Eastern Asian music...it was a beautiful reminder that this place is so different than Michigan. So cultured, diverse, with LOTS of places to explore and experiences to be had!

But the sad part was leaving Michigan. I don't think I realized how hard it would be...I've been transitioning for a long time, but the goodbye's still snuck up on me! Thanks to all who came to the openhouse...it really was a special time for me!

jewish porn stars...

2006-07-20T14:35:00.000-07:00

Evidently that's what I need to be (or one or the other) to get a job in Seattle.

That's all.

traveling (wo)man

2006-07-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

Oh, this was a glorious little vacation! Here are some highlights....

*the annoying woman on the speaker at the Cleveland airport, who someone finally started playing tricks on...she actually paged "mr. focker" about 8 times before she stopped. It made my layover a bit more enjoyable.

*The neverending list of houseguests at Rob and Shanna's...one night there were 13 of us in the house (4 of whom had strep throat)! Not only did I spend a few fabulous days with their family, I got to see lots of other friends - so fun! It's all a blur of food, laundry, margaritas, and trying to escape the heat (it's a dry heat).

*My evening with JIll and Ingrid - lots of old memories and fun to see their lives and neighborhoods. Who knew there would be a little satellite of Gburgers out here...all brought together again by the power of myspace. Sigh...

*Megan's wedding - YAY! The rain held off until after the ceremony, and MOST of the photos had been taken. It was BEAUTIFUL, and Chris and I had a great time. It was fun to see all sorts of old YL girls all grown up! She did a GREAT job with her colors (brown and blue), and her flowers were simple and understated calilily's. (Becca you would have approved)

I'm going to brunch with the wedding party this morning, then flying back to GR. Then, it's nonstop to Seattle!

leaving...

2006-06-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm recovering from camp...it's amazing how much more it takes out of me than it used to! But after 50 hours on a bus, not much sleep, rappelling, bucking horses, climbing mountains (both physical and emotional), and numerous trips down the waterslide... it was an incredible week. The girls were AWESOME, and really ready to deal with life honestly. They had amazing questions, and the week couldn't have gone better!

Now that I'm home, I'm faced with the reality that I leave in 34 days...ish. I've had this song in my head for the last month or two, and figured I'd share it here...

I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know

If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

lumps

2006-06-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

I only get to see my family a couple times a year, so it was a WONDERFUL (and spontaneous) weekend with my sisters and my mom. They drove, flew, and took the train up from Boston, Charlotte and Gburg - and we did a whole lot of nothing all weekend...it was perfect.

But everytime I leave them...or they leave me, I get the same lump in my throat. It's happened every single time since I drove down the driveway when I left for Hope College seven years ago. And it still takes me by surprise...every time.

So, thanks family - for giving me lumps in my throat.

I love us.

even a pink razr can't solve my problems...

2006-05-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

So I have an awful relationship with my cell phone (yes, even the new pink one). I don't like to answer it. I love people, and especially the people calling - but sometimes, I just can't bring myself to answer it. Sometimes it isn't on my person, other times I just hit the silence button. Not out of spite - just because it's my cell phone. So to all of you who suffer (or are at least annoyed) by my habit...I apologize. My cell phone and I are working through it...

That said...last night, I ignored a call at 1:46 in the morning. Now that seems like a sane thing to do - that's a ridiculous hour, you're half-conscious, and it's usually one of my silly friends or kids that has had too much to drink.

But last night, it was important. A friend was calling with some awful, tragic news that has still got me spinning today. But I consciously ignored the phone call, assuming something trite instead of being willing to be available regardless. It wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to the loud ringer, it wasn't an attempt to most quickly resume my dreaming... I was fully awake, and ignored it. And I am so, so sorry.

One of my favorite Jewish customs is 'sitting sheva' - the ritual that when someone is grieving, their loved ones surround them. If needed, they hug, cry, and talk with the mourning. But if not, they just sit with them in silence, because no one should be alone in their grief. I want so desperately to be the person who practices 'sitting sheva'...and I failed.

tiptoe through the tulips...

2006-05-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, the things that seem so normal now

I am having flashbacks to when I moved to Holland, and this was all still just ridiculousness to me...
(not that it's normal now, by any means)

It will be fun to try to explain this nonsense to new friends next year.

...i'll teach you the electric slide...

2006-05-04T12:13:00.000-07:00

So I electrocuted myself last night.

No, seriously. I was cooking chicken on my George Forman (without a doubt the best purchase of my collegiate career) and decided to cut a big piece of fatty something off of it. I rinsed off a knife and evidently, before the knife was completely out from under the water - I touched the chicken.

Now I've never electrocuted myself before, but it took me a second to realize what happened. Honestly, it felt like someone snuck up behind me and grabbed my shoulders. Embarrassingly enough, I did actually glance behind me before I realized what had happened.

But besides a slight headache, a couple colorful words and a reminder that water AND chicken conduct electricity...

I am still in one piece (and my dinner tasted fabulous)

seeing it through...

2006-04-25T21:14:00.001-07:00

The last couple of days I have loved my job. And when I say 'loved', I mean I remember why I do this crazy job that sometimes seems so futile, and so strange. There are so many days that I don't see any progress, any glimpses of what God is doing, and when the only thought in my head is that I should have bailed out years ago.

But then, sometimes - there are days that just seem...right. And if you're lucky - there might even be two in a row. Days that remind you that God uses relationships to make Himself known. It's slow, sloppy and usually painful - but He IS moving. Days when I feel like maybe...just maybe - I might be doing this thing the right way.

"Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing...
It takes some time to see things through.
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way. Hold on to Me...and I'll hold on to you.
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through."

2006-04-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well...here she is. My first blog.

You would think that, like much of my life, this came about because of my YL kids. That in an attempt to "infiltrate" a tech-savvy youth culture I gave in and started a blog - but surprisingly, that's not the case.

In the last few weeks I've had conversations with some of the older, wiser, and incredibly amazing women that are in my life - my book club, women in my “Grandma Group” bible study, and other friends...all of which had the same conclusion.

"If you are going to move across the country, you'd better 'blog' so that we can stay updated on your life."

Besides, US New and World Report had a whole issue on graduate students and blogs, and since I’m heading back to school this fall – I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon.

So today, I now begin a new, digital chapter of my life...which just happens to coincide with my 25th birthday.